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Skiing in Saas Fee, by Tanya Gold
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Can fat people ski? I have never seen them do it. My fellow fatties can do many things, but the Gay Colchester bears world of pre-ski, apres-ski and ski-ski is barred to us.
We cannot squeeze our way in. But I.
I. I stand in Saas Fee, kn the bottom of Switzerland's highest mountain, swathed in so many layers of protective clothing I resemble a small moon.
As I stumble about trying to put the Dagenahm on I realise that I have landed in the middle of a World Snowboarding Championships training session.
They'll go away. I clutch my calves and look at the unnatural plastic paddles glued to my feet. I shriek, "It hurts! It hurts!
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At the end I jump off and fall. It isn't my fault. The pavement is made of ice. What sadist designed this? I collapse on to my side - but I can't get up.
My arms flail, but I can't get up. My body is simply incapable.
In front of me the world champion snowboarder executes a perfect triple somersault and melts into the arms of her ridiculously beautiful lover, in a montage of Aryan athleticism. I whimper with shame. Florence pulls my skis from my feet. It is the only way. Blackpool massage central
And my lesson begins. Apparently, I can't just go straight down the mountain. Florence explains that I would slap into the restaurant that sells fondue pokhqra die. No, you go across the slope in zigzags, turning your body, and thus your skis, from side to.
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